Although I had heard it was possible, I definitely doubted I could love another as much as I love Dayla, but it is true. My heart has grown twice the size and it overflows with love for our little guy.
The joy I had as a first time parent was overwhelming. So much of that joy came from “look what we created!” I studied each hand, each foot, each breath, and each hair on her head, amazed that somehow that little being came out of me. Each “first” and exciting moment brings a sense of joy and pride…”Look at my girl!”
With Sebastian the joy feels different. It feels less about me. I have so much more clarity that he is in fact not mine at all, that I did not create him, God did and He is just letting me hold him for a little while. As I study his hands, feet, breath, and each hair on his head, the reality of what a miracle he is encases each thought I have. I don’t know if it is because we waited and longed for him for what felt like an eternity, or if it is just the nature of the second child. However the way, I know in the depths of my heart that this little baby is my answered prayer (time and time again) and with each day I feel so blessed and lucky to be holding him in my arms.
I love having a second. I love the clarity that comes with it, the perspective, the lack of fear, the joy in each moment. I love that I know that the hard moments are going to be gone before I know it and that the sweet ones will too.
I love the way he lays right now on me when he sleeps: so limp, so trusting. He somehow knows that he doesn’t have to hold on, that there is no way his mama will drop him; I just love that. (Captured by Daniel)
I love you little Bash.