Three Years

Three years ago today, our world changed.  Rocked.  Filled up.  Overflowed with love.  Changed in all the best ways.

My Dayla bear, my monkey, my baby, my love….my Dayla,

Recently I had someone say to me that they thought motherhood has been hard for me.  At first I was offended.  I mean, did I look worn out?  Did I say something?  Was it you?  Then I realized, it is true.   Motherhood has been hard, and I might even admit, hard on me.

The day you came into my arms I realized for the first time that I was going to be in charge of teaching someone SO MANY THINGS.  Life, love, God, forgiveness….so many things, important things….and I didn’t feel worthy of such an amazing task.  A hard task. The day you started to repeat back what I say, I realized much I wanted to change myself.  That I actually wasn’t as “Christlike” as I want to be, even as I thought I was.  Each day now I want to be a better person, for you.  The day that you started to have tantrums I realized how hard it is to actually be a GOOD parent, to say “no”.  How hard it is to give discipline.  How it breaks my heart each time because all I want to do is hold you.  I realized that I have a lot more years of you telling me how much you hate me cause I didn’t give you what you wanted.  But I also know that I am okay with being a mom you are mad at, a mom who says no, because I know it is the right thing to do.

I have no problem admitting motherhood is hard.  I am not going to pretend for one minute that I am perfect or I have it all figured out.  Please know that I am going to mess up, but that I am trying my best. Or that you are the perfect child.  Or that you are not challenging.  But Dayla, I am so excited to tell you that I know God!  And I know with all my heart that he will pick up where I fail, he will fill in when I have nothing left, and that he picked you for our family, perfectly.  I believe it with all my heart. I always tell you are you are “just right”.  And I believe that with all my heart.  You are just right for us.  For our family.  For our lives.  For our growth. For everything.  God knew.  God knows how much I love a challenge!  God knows how you complete your dad and I in a way that we never knew was possible.

Dayla, you bless us beyond words.  I love you beyond what I could ever describe.  I know for the first time what it means to “have you heart live outside your body” and “my cup run-eth over”.  Every.day. I think those words.  You are a miracle.  A blessing.  A gift.  I wouldn’t change one thing about you.  I love your spirit, your leadership, your independence, your fearlessness to dance to a different tune then everyone else. I love you.  I love your laugh, your cry, the way you already have started to pick up your dad’s sense of humor, the way you organize and like to clean with your mama, and the fact that you are our “rollercoaster child” with really high highs and really big lows.  You are SO much fun. I love you. I love the girl that you are and the woman that you are going to become.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you Dayla.

Happy 3rd Birthday!

Love,

Your Mama

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