Today I seem to have many random thoughts on marriage. I feel like the may not make sense to other readers, or may not seem cohesive, but I want to write them all down today.
Today we celebrate 11 years of marriage. Keith, Daniel’s little brother, got married in July. In the wedding I got to have the moment again of walking down the aisle toward Daniel (I was a bridesmaid and he the best man). As I walked, I reflected that I would choose to do that walk again in a heart beat. I am more and more in love with him each and every year. This year, not only am I falling more in love with him, I am learning. This is what I have been learning.
When I married Daniel 11 years ago, there were many reasons I loved him, but most certainly toward the top of the list were these two reasons: 1. He made me happy 2. He made me feel loved.
This year I feel like I have learned that marriage isn’t about me. It never really was, and over the last 11 years I have been in the process of learning that, but this year I feel like I am finally really getting it. I realize that marriage is about serving the other person. Serving is not being a servant to or a slave to…serving is love in action. Serving is like love with gloves on. I used to serve him because I feel I had to, now I serve him because I want to make him smile, I want him to feel loved, I want to help him. That is what I have learned this year.
I am also still learning these things:
1. I realize that my happiness is not dependent on him, it is my choice whether or not I am happy. Yes, he does many things that make me happy, but I can choose to be happy too, even when he forgets to do things for me.
2. He loves me for who I am now, but he also inspires me to be even more. I think this is a even more of a gift than just loving me for who I am.
3. I see now that it is our differences the refine me and make me a better person, like sand paper those differences round me out and take off my sharp edges. In the beginning I was attracted to how he was different then me, it inspired me. About 5 years in it was those same differences that drove me crazy. Now 11 years in, it is those same differences that I have come to be thankful for; they are making me better, stronger, and more flexible.
4. Marriage to me is no longer how it makes ME FEEL…but more about the fact that I GET TO HAVE THE HONOR of serving another person daily and making a difference in their life. I get the joy of serving another human and hopefully helping him feel special, important, amazing, smart, funny, kind, and most importantly… helping him feel Christ’s love through me.
As I am sure Daniel would verify, I don’t have it all figured out and I am by no means a perfect wife, but I AM learning. Only took me 11 years. 😉
Happy Anniversary Babe! I love you…so very much.